Monday, September 25, 2017

isabella's first friend

After weeks of grueling moments at work with midnight oils and very frustrating moments, I finally get some breather and spend some quality time with family. My parents-in-law were in town, so we had a good time together. I felt guilty these days, not able to spend quality time with Isabella. Those days when I need to work around the clock from home, she entertained herself with toys, books, youtube videos and lately she starts to like playing with doll. Perhaps she noticed the resemblance of the doll to human features, she starts to accept and play with the doll. Months ago, she was scared and would cry whenever i handed her the doll.

My mother got this doll from a flea sale at one of the french family who were leaving Kuching a year ago before Isabella was born. She was told by the mother of the girl who used to own the doll that the little girl cut her hair, hence the messy hair! The doll was in good condition, except it came naked, just like newborn baby that came to the world naked. I dressed the doll in one of Isabella's newborn singlet back then. Now that she is beginning to play with the doll, I am determined to sew the doll a decent dress :)

These simple moments are pure joy and happiness, so simple yet so fleeting. I could almost relive my childhood memories playing with dolls, sewing them shabby dresses that I thought fashionable at that time, role playing the dolls with my sisters, bringing them along for trips, sleeping and talking with the dolls. Either I was emulating my mother taking care of me, or I had the natural instinct to take care the younger ones as a big sister. Now that I see Isabella is starting to play with the doll, I see myself in her.   

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Isabella's gaze

After a long grueling day at work, I took a brief shower and changed to my most comfortable cotton linen dress I bought in Phuket 3 years ago. It was already 7:01 pm and I was almost late for Isabella. I rushed through the stairs and brought her home. She was in yellow pyjamas, just like the lazy egg yolk called Gudetama.

My mind is constantly running. What to make for dinner, what to do after dinner, how to spend time with the little one, dishes to wash, laundry to collect, bottles to sterile.. etc. The list is endless. Most of the time, I rushed like a mad woman, chasing the time around the clock, but rarely have time to myself.

I was tired by the time I finished reading to her. I put her to sleep but her mind was too active. I was the one who felt asleep first without knowing she was still awake. Suddenly I realized it was exceptionally quiet. I opened my eyes, and saw she gazed at me, watching me sleep. I was the one who love to watch her sleep but today, she gazed me sleeping. It was so heart melting that I almost cried. It was one of the sweetest thing I ever experience. Children is indeed a blessing.

She slept shortly after fighting over her sleepiness. Rested on the bed, I feel so comfortable yet I pushed myself to start working. There is another battle to fight tomorrow.

Monday, September 11, 2017

sweet dream

Last night my daughter came home feeling jolly. At the tender age of 1, she is at the stage where she is highly curious, responsive and also a tad bit of naughty. Some days she is diligent in reading books, some day she is in her playful  mode. It happens that yesterday she was in a nerdy mode and wanted to read so much. This little soul really loves learning.

After some time, she was tired and decided to call it a day and asked for pacifier. And so we went sleeping together, dozing off to dreamland.

Wet Monday

The last post I wrote was back in June where I thought I just had 6 tough months passed and the days ahead should be better and clearer. Apparently, it got tougher and tougher, as if it was stretching my limit. The testing is real, the challenges are hard. I would not have made it if it was not for your prayers and God who has been sustaining me. Just as when I was thinking what i have gotten myself into this year, I count my blessings, for in the desert I met angels and see God's love all the time. The Lord has been taking care of me all the time.

I had been struggling with work lately, mainly because the job scope and nature is new and I am unfamiliar with it. However, the attitude of the people I met and worked with added more stress to me. Many time I wonder what joy does it has for someone to be snobbish and arrogant all the time. That person must be having some heart issues because he/she is communicating in such a way that would make you drown or suffocate. It was very toxic because I started to hate my job and the person I see everyday, to the point of hearing them talk or breath. I was stressed and my health was ailing. I asked God for help. He told me to focus on Him and my family and healed  my heart. Hatred brings sickness. So after some time, I begin to realize the environment did not change for the better, but God is working within me. I begin to let go and learnt how to isolate my ears and eyes from the things I dislike. I let God's song filled my mind. There were many point breaking moments but I am glad God pulled me through. 

This morning was very dark and gloomy and the rain was heavy. I brought 3 bags (my Sri Lanka fabric bag, another fabric bags with important documents, and my lunch box) with me and was walking under the rain. The traffic was busy and I saw the sight in front of me - many people crowding at the bus stop with the gloomy sky and dense trees as back drop. I stood still, in awe. Despite the trouble of treading the road with rain splashes that seeps into my shoes, today I felt a sense of peace and thankfulness in me, that I am still loved by Him and able to have a healthy body to go to work, earn some dough and put food on the table. It is not to be taken for granted. 

Today is the day I hope to go home on time after many crazy weeks of stress and late nights.
I am looking forward to see the little one.