Recently a mother requested me to draw bookmarks for her six children. Never would I thought I would be encouraged by the ideas, and so I made myself one here as a constant reminder that in life we need these 6 things - Be brave, Explore the Day, Dream Big, Be Kind, Think Happy Thoughts and Smile Often.
It strikes me that i needed these 6 things and it is good to adopt this positive attributes in mind in our daily life. As I reflect back the pass 9 months or so, tt has been like a desert in the hostile workplace this year, begging for hours and struggling in work. In big offices, it is all about dollar and cents. People work for hours which translated into money, in big organization terms. Many unpleasant behind closed door conversations. Sweet promises and plans became empty and worse still, it came back to threaten and bite like a hidden weapon. Endurance and perseverance are the only thing that still keep me going till now. Forgiveness and letting go. Thank God for His constant presence in my life, that I am still privilege to breath and perform my job as best as I could, despite many frustrated moments. If it had been not for God, I would have lost my sanity, really.
If there is one thing that I learn this year, it would be to stay positive during very difficult times. When we have no choice but to face it, keep praying for strength and look at the good sides of thing (blessings to have a beautiful family and good health). Work is just part of life. I really like Helen Keller's quote--"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow". Yes, that is the spirit, keep your face to the sunshine intently that you cannot even see a trace of shadow.
I hope one day I can impart this 6 beautiful values to my little one(s). It makes life so much beautiful by just being more positive. Positive attitudes helps us get through difficult times.
this is the scene i see every morning on my way to work, and today I happened to read Morgan Harper Nichols poem that resonates my heart. 2017, a tough year indeed, but a year where i grew so much, in a tough way. Stay strong!
This year will not end
like last year at all. You have learned to be free.
You have learned to be strong. you have held onto light
When the night was too long.
You can braved many fears,
You learned a new song. And through all of these valleys
You have learned to stand tall. This year will not end
Isabella has grown to a stage where she is beginning to be more curious and observant of her environment. These days, she knows that she needs to put on shoes before going out for a walk, and she needs to insert her feet into the shoes to wear the shoes.
I caught her exploring on how to wear the shoes while standing. She must have observed I had been doing that all these while. She was quiet and focus while trying hard to wear the shoes. I sat at the sofa, partaking in her joy and curiosity.
Few years from now, you will be able to wear shoes perfectly by yourself and go to school. Mummy and Daddy is working hard to make things work now to provide you a better environment and schooling experience. Our hands are bare and tight, and time is limited as you grow up so fast everyday but do not worry for we are working it out now. Just be happy and healthy and enjoy growing up, just as you are. Your smile is already our strength. We love you so much.
That evening when we brushed our teeth together and smiled
at each other.
You smiled because you felt happy you are doing something that mummy is doing.
And I smiled because I am doing something together with you.
I saw this lovely sight when I went to fetch Isabella from nanny's. She was looking in astonishment and amazement at Uncle Sandy's two turtles, which was in the pail, with her little index fingers pointing at them, and her little body inclining towards the pail occasionally. Little Isabella is curious and excited. I went near her and asked her what did she see, she pointed at the turtles and tried to tell me about it excitedly.
After keeping the two turtles as pet for several years, the small turtles which was as big as a palm has now grown into large turtles, as huge as a regular pizza. These turtles had been knocking themselves in the aquarium. Uncle Sandy was worried if one day the aquarium would be broken, which I doubt it would be! So yesterday they bade farewell to the two creatures and would be releasing them somewhere in the neighbourhood.
I asked them if they had sentimental feelings towards the tortoise and they told me they don't. I had mixed feeling about it. Even though I did not keep the turtles, but once a while I enjoyed looking at them in the aquarium. I felt like the turtle are part of the family and can't help feeling a little sad when they are releasing the turtles. Yet, at the same time, I was excited that these turtles got to experience freedom from then on.
"ohhhhh.." Isabella giggled to herself as she marched in baby steps towards the lift.
"Do you know the way, Isa?" I asked her, trying to catch her steps from behind. My thoughts about the turtle was interrupted as I walked towards her.
"She sure know her way," said Aunty Judy with a smile.
After weeks of grueling moments at work with midnight oils and very frustrating moments, I finally get some breather and spend some quality time with family. My parents-in-law were in town, so we had a good time together. I felt guilty these days, not able to spend quality time with Isabella. Those days when I need to work around the clock from home, she entertained herself with toys, books, youtube videos and lately she starts to like playing with doll. Perhaps she noticed the resemblance of the doll to human features, she starts to accept and play with the doll. Months ago, she was scared and would cry whenever i handed her the doll.
My mother got this doll from a flea sale at one of the french family who were leaving Kuching a year ago before Isabella was born. She was told by the mother of the girl who used to own the doll that the little girl cut her hair, hence the messy hair! The doll was in good condition, except it came naked, just like newborn baby that came to the world naked. I dressed the doll in one of Isabella's newborn singlet back then. Now that she is beginning to play with the doll, I am determined to sew the doll a decent dress :)
These simple moments are pure joy and happiness, so simple yet so fleeting. I could almost relive my childhood memories playing with dolls, sewing them shabby dresses that I thought fashionable at that time, role playing the dolls with my sisters, bringing them along for trips, sleeping and talking with the dolls. Either I was emulating my mother taking care of me, or I had the natural instinct to take care the younger ones as a big sister. Now that I see Isabella is starting to play with the doll, I see myself in her.
After a long grueling day at work, I took a brief shower and changed to my most comfortable cotton linen dress I bought in Phuket 3 years ago. It was already 7:01 pm and I was almost late for Isabella. I rushed through the stairs and brought her home. She was in yellow pyjamas, just like the lazy egg yolk called Gudetama.
My mind is constantly running. What to make for dinner, what to do after dinner, how to spend time with the little one, dishes to wash, laundry to collect, bottles to sterile.. etc. The list is endless. Most of the time, I rushed like a mad woman, chasing the time around the clock, but rarely have time to myself.
I was tired by the time I finished reading to her. I put her to sleep but her mind was too active. I was the one who felt asleep first without knowing she was still awake. Suddenly I realized it was exceptionally quiet. I opened my eyes, and saw she gazed at me, watching me sleep. I was the one who love to watch her sleep but today, she gazed me sleeping. It was so heart melting that I almost cried. It was one of the sweetest thing I ever experience. Children is indeed a blessing.
She slept shortly after fighting over her sleepiness. Rested on the bed, I feel so comfortable yet I pushed myself to start working. There is another battle to fight tomorrow.
Last night my daughter came home feeling jolly. At the tender age of 1, she is at the stage where she is highly curious, responsive and also a tad bit of naughty. Some days she is diligent in reading books, some day she is in her playful mode. It happens that yesterday she was in a nerdy mode and wanted to read so much. This little soul really loves learning.
After some time, she was tired and decided to call it a day and asked for pacifier. And so we went sleeping together, dozing off to dreamland.
The last post I wrote was back in June where I thought I just had 6 tough months passed and the days ahead should be better and clearer. Apparently, it got tougher and tougher, as if it was stretching my limit. The testing is real, the challenges are hard. I would not have made it if it was not for your prayers and God who has been sustaining me. Just as when I was thinking what i have gotten myself into this year, I count my blessings, for in the desert I met angels and see God's love all the time. The Lord has been taking care of me all the time.
I had been struggling with work lately, mainly because the job scope and nature is new and I am unfamiliar with it. However, the attitude of the people I met and worked with added more stress to me. Many time I wonder what joy does it has for someone to be snobbish and arrogant all the time. That person must be having some heart issues because he/she is communicating in such a way that would make you drown or suffocate. It was very toxic because I started to hate my job and the person I see everyday, to the point of hearing them talk or breath. I was stressed and my health was ailing. I asked God for help. He told me to focus on Him and my family and healed my heart. Hatred brings sickness. So after some time, I begin to realize the environment did not change for the better, but God is working within me. I begin to let go and learnt how to isolate my ears and eyes from the things I dislike. I let God's song filled my mind. There were many point breaking moments but I am glad God pulled me through.
This morning was very dark and gloomy and the rain was heavy. I brought 3 bags (my Sri Lanka fabric bag, another fabric bags with important documents, and my lunch box) with me and was walking under the rain. The traffic was busy and I saw the sight in front of me - many people crowding at the bus stop with the gloomy sky and dense trees as back drop. I stood still, in awe. Despite the trouble of treading the road with rain splashes that seeps into my shoes, today I felt a sense of peace and thankfulness in me, that I am still loved by Him and able to have a healthy body to go to work, earn some dough and put food on the table. It is not to be taken for granted.
Today is the day I hope to go home on time after many crazy weeks of stress and late nights.
I am looking forward to see the little one.
6 tough months without an update. The space was dusty and
poor froggy had been blinking since 31 December 2016 till now.
I had been busy with my work and little one, that I barely
have time to rest. I am a happy mom, but not a very happy worker. I made a
change to my career and my career satisfaction is compromised. I was stressful and my health was ailing. Nonetheless, life moves on and as I am
writing, I am reminding myself to look forward, not backward; to take things at a slower pace and to watch my health.
These days I am glad that sketching is keeping me sane. I could say that to LIVE in this city is a FEAT everyday. More often than not, it is demanding so much more than what you could offer. Sketching makes me thankful and cherish little moments, like when Isabella is able to sit unsupported.